Hello,
Welcome to the world of Bernice Bloom.
There are lots of books to choose from, and new books coming all the time, so here is your handy guide to the various series of books…
Lots of love, Bernie xxx
My website is: www.bernicebloom.com
Let’s connect on Instagram: BerniceBloomwriter
Here I am on Facebook: BerniceBloom books
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The books:
More detailed info about the books is below…
The Adorable Fat Girl Books
Bernice is best-known for her ‘Adorable Fat Girl’ books about a crazy lady called Mary Brown.
Mary is funny, gorgeous and bonkers. She’s also about six stone overweight.
When she realises she can’t cross her legs and has trouble bending over to tie her shoelaces without wheezing like an elderly chain-smoker it’s time to take action.
But what action? She’s tried every diet under the sun.
This series is the hysterical story of what happens when Mary joins ‘Fat Club’ where she meets a cast of funny characters and one particular man who catches her eye.
The series follows Mary as she goes on safari, on a cruise, to a weekend yoga retreat, gets involved in online dating and goes off on a weight-loss camp
The series is laugh-out-loud funny and will resonate with anyone who has dieted, tried to keep up with any sort of exercise programme or spent 10 minutes in a changing room trying to extricate herself from a way too-small garment that she ambitiously tried on and is now completely stuck in.
BOOK ONE:
Diary of an Adorable Fat Girl
Mary Brown is funny, gorgeous and bonkers. She’s also about six stone overweight. When she realises she can’t cross her legs, has trouble bending over to tie her shoelaces without
wheezing like an elderly chain-smoker, and discovers that even her hands and feet look fat, it’s time to take action. But what action? She’s tried everydiet under the sun.This is the story of what happens when Mary joins ‘Fat Club’ where she meets a cast of funny characters and one particular man who catches her eye.
CLICK HERE:
BOOK TWO:
Adventures of an Adorable Fat Girl
Mary can’t get into any of the dresses in Zara (she tries and fails. It’s messy!). Still, what does she care? She’s got a lovely new boyfriend whose thighs are bigger than her’s (yes!!!) and all is looking well…except when she accidentally gets herself
into several thousand pounds worth of trouble at the silent auction, has to eat her lunch under the table in the pub because Ted’s workmates have spotted them, and suffers the indignity of having a young man’s testicles dangled into her
face on a party boat to Amsterdam. Oh, and then there are all the issues with the hash-cakes and the sex museum. Besides all those things – everything’s fine…just fine!
CLICK HERE:
BOOK THREE:
Crazy Life of an Adorable Fat Girl
The second course of ‘Fat Club’ starts and Mary reunites with the cast of funny characters who graced book one. But this time there’s a new Fat Club member…a glamorous blonde who
Mary takes against. We also see Mary facing troubles
in her relationship with the wonderful Ted, and we discover why she has been suffering from an eating disorder for most of her life. What traumatic incident in Mary’s past has caused her all these problems?
The story is tender and warm, but also laugh-out-loud funny. It will resonate with anyone who has dieted, tried to keep up with any sort of exercise programme or spent 10 minutes in a changing room trying to extricate herself from a way too-small garment that she ambitiously tried on and is now completely stuck in.
CLICK HERE:
BOOK FOUR:
Christmas with Adorable Fat Girl
It’s the Adorable Fat Girl’s favourite time of year and she embraces it with the sort of thrill and excitement normally reserved for toddlers seeing jelly tots. Our funny, gorgeous and bonkers heroine finds herself dancing from party to party, covered in tinsel, decorating the Beckhams’ Christmas tree, dressing up as Father Christmas, declaring live on This Morning that she’s a drug addict and enjoying two Christmas lunches in quick succession. She’s the party queen as she
stumbles wildly from disaster to disaster. A funny little treasure to see you smiling through the festive period.
CLICK HERE:
BOOK FIVE:
Adorable Fat Girl on Safari
Mary Brown, our fabulous, full-figured heroine, is off on safari with an old school friend. What could possibly go wrong? Lots of things, it turns out. Mary starts off on the wrong foot by turning up dressed in a ribbon bedecked bonnet, having channelled Meryl Streep from Out of Africa. She falls in lust with a khaki-clad ranger half her age and
ends up stuck in a tree wearing nothing but her knickers, while sandwiched between two inquisitive baboons. It’s never dull… CLICK HERE:
BOOK SIX:
Cruise with an Adorable Fat Girl
Mary is off on a cruise. It’s the trip of a lifetime…featuring eat-all-you-can buffets and a trek through Europe with a 96-year-old widower called Frank and a flamboyant Spanish dancer called Juan Pedro. Then there’s the desperately
handsome captain, the appearance of an ex-boyfriend on the
ship, the time she’s mistaken for a Hollywood film star in Lisbon and tonnes of clothes shopping all over Europe.
CLICK HERE:
BOOK SEVEN:
Adorable Fat Girl Takes up Yoga
The Adorable Fat Girl needs to do something to get fit. What about yoga? I mean – really – how hard can that be? A bit of chanting, some toe touching and a new leotard. Easy! She
signs up for a weekend retreat, packs up assorted snacks and heads for the countryside to get in touch with her chi and her third eye. And that’s when it all goes wrong. Featuring frantic chickens, an unexpected mud bath, men in loose-fitting shorts and no pants, calamitous headstands, a new bizarre
friendship with a yoga guru and a quick hospital trip.
CLICK HERE:
BOOK EIGHT
Adorable Fat Girl goes to weight loss camp
Mary Brown heads to Portugal for a weight loss camp and discovers it’s nothing like she expected. “I thought
it would be Slimming World in the sunshine, but this is bloody torture,” she says, after boxing, running, sand training (sand training?), more running, more star jumps and eating nothing but carrots. Mary wants to hide from the
instructors and cheat the system. The trouble is, her mum is with her, and won’t leave her alone for a second. Then there’s the angry instructor with the deep, dark secret about why he left the army; and the mysterious woman who sneaks
into their pool and does synchronised swimming every night. Who the hell is she? Why’s she in their pool? And what about Yvonne – the slim, attractive lady who disappears every night after dinner. Where’s she going? And what unearthly
difficulties will Mary get herself into when she decides to follow her to find out…
CLICK HERE:
BOOK NINE:
Adorable Fat Girl goes online dating
She’s big, beautiful and bonkers, and now she’s
going online dating. Buckle up and prepare for trouble, laughter and total chaos. Mary Brown is gorgeous, curvaceous and wants to find a boyfriend. But where’s she going to meet someone new? She doesn’t want to hang around pubs all evening (actually that bit’s not true), and she doesn’t want to have to get out of her pyjamas unless really necessary
(that bit’s true). There’s only one thing for it – she will launch
herself majestically onto the dating scene. Aided and abetted by her friends, including Juan Pedro and best friend Charlie, Mary heads out on NINE DATES IN NINE DAYS.
She meets an interesting collection of men,
including those she nicknames: Usain Bolt, Harry the Hoarder, and Dead Wife Darren. Then just when she thinks things can’t get any worse, Juan organises a huge, entirely inadvisable party at the end. It’s internet dating like you’ve never known it before…
CLICK HERE:
BOOK TEN: Adorable Fat Girl and the six-week transformation
Can Mary Brown lose weight, smarten up and look fabulous enough to win back the love of her life?
And can she do it in just six weeks?
In this romantic comedy from the award-winning, best-selling, Adorable Fat Girl series, our luscious heroine goes all out to try and win back the affections of Ted, her lovely ex-boyfriend. She becomes convinced that the way to do it is by putting herself through a six week transformation plan in time for her friend’s 30th birthday party that Ted is coming to. But, like most things in Mary Brown’s life, things don’t go exactly according to plan.
Featuring drunk winter Olympics, an amorous fitness instructor, a crazy psychic, spying, dieting, exercising and a trip to hospital with a Polish man called Lech.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B086PG7HTF/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1
BOOK ELEVEN: Adorable Fat Girl in lockdown
Mary Brown is in lockdown. She’s worn nothing but pyjamas for weeks, and is living on a diet of cake and wine. She’s rarely up before midday and spends her time watching every box set that she can get her hands on.
Then: she has an idea… instead of just eating the cake, why doesn’t she judge it?
She should organise a World Cup of Cakes. With Juan, her trusty sidekick, she sets up the competition with meticulous detail, and the whole thing goes viral.
Featuring: home dyed hair, talking to potatoes, Piers Morgan, internet shopping, an amorous neighbour, an angry ex-boyfriend and birdwatching. Oh, and loads of cake.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION
BOOK TWELVE: Adorable Fat Girl and the Reunion
The book opens at an exciting time…our gorgeous, generously proportioned heroine is about to be reunited with
Ted – her lovely, kind, thoughtful, wonderful ex-boyfriend. She is still madly in love with him, but how does he feel about her? Will love blossom once more? Or has Ted moved on and met someone else?
Featuring river boats, a wild psychic, a lost dog, a gallant rescue operation by a glamorous Spanish dancer named Juan, lots of gossip, fun, silliness and a huge, glorious love story…but is the love story about Ted & Mary or someone else entirely?
ADORABLE FAT GIRL BOX-SETS
FIRST THREE BOOKS COMBINED
This is the first three Fat Girl books altogether in one fantastic, funny package
CLICK HERE:
The first three holiday books combined
This is a combination book
containing three of the books in my holiday series: Adorable Fat Girl on
Safari, Cruise with an Adorable Fat Girl and Adorable Fat Girl takes up Yoga.
CLICK HERE:
The first two weight loss books:
This is Weight loss tips and Weight loss camp together
CLICK HERE:
The Romance books
A romantic comedy double book sensation from the award-winning, best-selling, Adorable Fat Girl series starring the plump and gorgeous Mary Brown.
“The books are funny, lively and utterly charming. I love them.”
In this book there are two stories – Six Week Transformation and The Reunion, both of them telling the story of the love affair between Mary and Ted.
The Six Week Transformation: In the first book in the romance series, Mary becomes convinced that the way to win back Ted is by putting herself through a six week transformation plan in time for her friend’s 30th birthday party that Ted is coming to. But, like most things in Mary Brown’s life, things don’t go exactly according to plan. Featuring drunk winter Olympics, an amorous fitness instructor, a crazy psychic, spying, dieting, exercising and a trip to hospital with a Polish man called Lech.
The Reunion: Our gorgeous, generously proportioned heroine is about to be reunited with Ted – her lovely, kind, thoughtful, wonderful ex-boyfriend. She is still madly in love with him, but how does he feel about her? Will love blossom once more? Or has Ted moved on and met someone else? Featuring river boats, a wild psychic, sequined leotards, lots of gossip, fun, silliness and a huge, glorious love story…but is the love story about Ted & Mary or someone else entirely?
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION
The Mary Brown Mysteries
These mystery books star Mary Brown, the heroine of the Adorable Fat Girl books, in mysteries that she has to solve.
The Mysterious Invitation book is available as one whole story (BOOK ONE) or in two parts.
1.The Mysterious Invitation
Six people are invited to a funeral, but not one of them has even heard of the deceased. The six people do not know one another.
What is going on??
They are told that Reginald Charters invited them on his deathbed, but who on earth is he? And what does he want with them?
The group are told that they have 20 hours to work out why they have been invited in order to inherit a million pounds. But it’s complicated. Not everything is as it seems. More clues arrive, they are told that someone will not receive money, and Mary Brown has to give a speech at the funeral of someone she’s never met.
“A lovely, intriguing and funny story.”
Can they get to know one another well enough to make the connections.
CAN YOU MAKE THE CONNECTIONS AND SOLVE THE RIDDLE?
And where are the Gower family, who should also be there? What on earth happened to them? Can they be found?
“I really loved this book. it made me laugh, lifted my spirits and kept me completely entertained.”
2. Marvellous Mary Brown and the Mysterious Invitation
Mary Brown receives an invitation to a funeral. The only problem is: she has absolutely no idea whose funeral it is. She’s never heard of the guy who’s died. When she asks the solicitors why she’s been invited, she is told that the deceased invited her on his deathbed, and said he was very keen for her to attend.
So, off Mary goes – to a dilapidated old farm house in a remote part of Wales. When she gets there, she discovers that only five other people have been invited to the funeral. None of them knows who he is either.
NO ONE GOING TO THIS FUNERAL HAS EVER HEARD OF THE DECEASED.
Then they are told that they have 20 hours to work out why they have been invited in order to inherit a million pounds. Who is this guy and why are they there?
CLICK HERE:
3. Marvellous Mary Brown and the Mysterious Manhunt
This is the follow-up book to Mysterious Invitation, and features the reunion of those invited to the the mysterious funeral as they combine forces to try and track down the Gower family – the only people missing from the funeral in book one. The private detectives couldn’t find them, but this motley crew think they can. Can they? And if the private detectives couldn’t find the Gowers, does that mean they don’t want to be found? If so, why not…. It’s the stunning final chapter in the grand mystery…
CLICK HERE: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08HJ2WQ1R/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i8
ADORABLE FAT GIRL NON-FICTION BOOKS
Adorable Fat Girl shares her Weight Loss Tips
As well as having a crazy amount of fun at Fat Club, Mary also loses weight…a massive 40lbs!! How does she do it? Here in this mini book – for the first time – she describes the
rules that helped her. Also included are the stories of readers who have written in to share their weight loss stories. This is a kind approach to weight loss. It’s about learning to love yourself as you shift the pounds. It worked for Mary Brown and everyone at Fat Club (even Ted who can’t go a day
without a bag of chips and thinks a pint isn’t a pint without a bag of pork scratchings). I hope it works for you, and I hope you enjoy it. CLICK HERE https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B075QFX7R8/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=goldmedalsmed-21&camp=1634&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B075QFX7R8&linkId=aac512c10cfab14bba2141a8ae1427db
A Handbook for Adorable Fat Girls
The Handbook is REQUIRED reading for everyone counting calories, going to weight loss groups, or just wondering what in the name of the Lord happened to their waist. or how the hell their knees ended up like that.
If you can store loose change under your breasts, are forced to wear knickers that are big enough to parachute with, or get startled by the sight of your reflection: this is the book for you.
A mixture of light-hearted observations and a more serious look at life as an overweight woman, the Handbook includes an exclusive survey and a place to collect your own thoughts and observations.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION
SUNSHINE COTTAGE BOOKS
‘Return to Sunshine Cottage’ – the first in a series of books about the gorgeous Lopez sisters who live in a beautiful fishing village called Cove Bay in North Carolina.
The Lopez sisters are all really different – there’s Sophia, the beauty in the pack. Her looks attract lots of attention but her beauty masks a shyness and insecurity. Then there’s Emma who’s sports-mad and loves drinking beers with the boys, Isabella the hairdresser who is obsessed with losing weight, and Lisa – the star of this first book – she’s a sensitive soul who works as a gardener and loves the outdoors. She is returning to Cove Bay after suffering massive heart-break.
All the sisters still live at home with their mum and dad in a beautiful little yellow cottage on the beach.
As the books open, things have become very interesting in Cove Bay because a new baseball team has just moved into the area. It means there are lots of very fit, handsome men in the wandering around. It’s perfect for our single sisters…or is it?
Things are never smooth sailing with the women – there are tears, heartbreak, love, joy and thrills aplenty. It’s like Little Women for the modern age (with lots of romance thrown in).
I really hope you enjoy this book, and the others in the series – each one is devoted to a different woman in Cove Bay.
Meet The Lopez family…
- LISA is a romantic at heart and wants to spend her life immersed in the beauty of flowers and plants, and with the man she loves. When that man breaks her heart, she is devastated, and swears she’ll never love again…until a handsome sports coach starts paying her lots of attention
- SOPHIA is the most attractive of the girls, always beautifully dressed and with a spectacular figure. She loves getting all dressed up and attracts attention wherever she goes, but will she ever meet someone who loves her for who she is rather than what she looks like?
- EMMA is the comedian of the group. She is naturally pretty, smiley and funny and she doesn’t care at all what she looks like. She has no ambition to succeed in life, she just wants wanted to hang out with friends and work in the local sports bar. Her sisters’ despair of her ever meeting anyone.
- ISABELLA is a hairdresser…she is completely down to earth, a little bit chubby and always worried about her weight. She would love to meet someone but is convinced that being overweight stops men from being interested.
- GEORGINA is mum! She’s a retired teacher who’s enjoying spending more time with her daughters now she doesn’t have to work
- DONALD is dad: a retired oyster fisherman who moved to Cove Bay from Emerald Isle when he met Georgina.
- CHARLIE is a friend of the sisters, so not, technically speaking, a Lopez family member, but she comes to stay with them and feels like part of the family
“This tale will amaze and delight you; it will warm your heart.”
“Love, tenderness, joy and beauty. Bernie Bloom has it all in this gem.”
BOOK ONE: Return to Sunshine Cottage
Lisa Lopez is returning to Cove Bay after spending two months in New York recovering from heart-break.
But when she returns, will she be able to resist the charms of Peter – the wealthy, sophisticated lawyer with whom she was so desperately in love before he broke her heart into a million pieces?
And what of Matt – the scruffy baseball coach with a warm heart and a kind soul, will he be able to win her over?
Who will she choose? And what about the texts that Matt keeps sending? Who are they to?
What is the big SECRET that he’s carrying around with him?
Set in a beautiful fishing village called Cove Bay, North Carolina, this is a new series full of drama, romance, tears and joy.
CLICK HERE:
The rest of the books are coming out in 2022
THE WAGS BOOKS
Wag’s Diary
Meet Tracie Martin – the crazy Wag with a mission to change the world
There’s nothing she doesn’ like about her life. From the acrylic nails and Louboutin shoes to the terrifying amounts of fake tan. Tracie loves it. Being a Wag is all she ever wanted.
But as a new football season starts, she’s getting concerned…there is a breed of Wag at Luton who aren’t quite playing by the conventional Wag rules. Some of them have skirts so long they are almost covering their knickers, and their skins are natural in hue, rather than resembling the colour of a cheesy Wotsit. Do they know nothing about being a Wag?
There’s only one thing for Tracie to do…she decides to write the ultimate guide for wannabe Wags. She’ll explain that 99.7% of a Wag’s nutrition must come from Bacardi Breezers, and that her eyelashes must be so long that they enter a room two minutes before the rest of her.
She begins to write her blog, which is taken on by the Daily Mail…and overnight Tracie finds herself propelled into the limelight, achieving the A-list status she has craved for so long.
From Wembley to Old Trafford she is the talk of the town. But will fame and fortune bring Tracie more than she bargained for?
“A laugh a minute, tongue in cheek, homage to the wives and girlfriends of footballers everywhere who end up being discussed and analysed more than their husbands. I loved this. She’s a gorgeous, spray-tanned, killer heel-wearing Bridget Jones.”
Wags in LA
Tracie Martin is back! But this time everyone’s favourite Wag is in LA, City of Angels and home to Victoria Beckham.
While husband Dean swaps life on the subs bench for coaching the LA City Raiders, and daughter Paskia-Rose is busy settling into her new school, Tracie is left twiddling her manicured fingers. She’s got plenty of time on her hands, and that can only lead to trouble…
It seems LA is not ready for Wags – the women are naturally golden rather than Fake Bake orange, there is no boozing and everyone is thinner than she is. Surely that’s not possible when she last ate a proper meal in 1997? But at least there’s plenty of cosmetic surgery…
Enter Jamie, a knight in shining lycra. He will show Tracie the sights of LA – including the Beckhams. But is he all that he seems?
Before long, Tracie is sampling all the city has to offer and starting to enjoy her new life in the Hollywood hills. But then her long lost father turns up – at the same time as she discovers someone has stolen her identity.
Can Tracie leave LA with her pride, bank balance and marriage – not to mention her fake tan – intact? Find out in the funniest read this year.
“This book will make you roar with laughter…” The Daily Mail
“The new Bridget Jones” Woman magazine
“It’s the perfect escapist novel…whether you love football or hate football, this will make you laugh, smile and scream with joy,” Radio Times.
Wags at the World Cup
Designer bag? Check
Gravity defying heels? Check
Footballer husband? Check
The England squad are off to the World Cup, and Tracie‘s husband Dean has a place on the coaching team. It means that our lovable Wag will be there too. At the World Cup!
SHE’LL BE ONE OF THE ENGLAND WAGS! Finally! It’s a dream come true.
Tracie is keen for England to do well, but mainly she is keen not to let her husband down. And she tries hard. She really does. She doesn’t mean to kidnap Wayne Rooney‘s baby, or get drunk all the time.
Then she discovers that an international crime syndicate is trying to fix the World Cup. Tracie needs to act. But can our dazzling heroine in the fluorescent crop top, sky-high wedges and nine layers of orange foundation, save the day?
“A lovely little treasure.” The Times
“If you’re not sure about the football, there’s always the Wags. Thi is great fun.” Heat magazine
COMING SOON
Romance Box set: ON SALE 1ST SEPTEMBER
A romantic comedy double book sensation from the award-winning, best-selling, Adorable Fat Girl series starring the plump and gorgeous Mary Brown.
“The books are funny, lively and utterly charming. I love them.”
In this book there are two stories – Six Week Transformation and The Reunion, both of them telling the story of the love affair between Mary and Ted.
The Six Week Transformation: In the first book in the romance series, Mary becomes convinced that the way to win back Ted is by putting herself through a six week transformation plan in time for her friend’s 30th birthday party that Ted is coming to. But, like most things in Mary Brown’s life, things don’t go exactly according to plan. Featuring drunk winter Olympics, an amorous fitness instructor, a crazy psychic, spying, dieting, exercising and a trip to hospital with a Polish man called Lech.
The Reunion: Our gorgeous, generously proportioned heroine is about to be reunited withTed – her lovely, kind, thoughtful, wonderful ex-boyfriend. She is still madly in love with him, but how does he feel about her? Will love blossom once more? Or has Ted moved on and met someone else? Featuring river boats, a wild psychic, sequined leotards, lots of gossip, fun, silliness and a huge, glorious love story…but is the love story about Ted & Mary or someone else entirely?
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION
I married a Hollywood Star:
Kelly Monsoon is a very ordinary girl from a very ordinary town in the UK, but she has a big secret…she is dating one of Hollywood’s biggest stars. Rufus George – the handsome, millionaire star of countless block buster films is her boyfriend.
Noone knows.
Then her flat mates find out, and she takes him to meet her parents and all hell breaks loose – it turns out that it’s very hard to live an ordinary life when you’re going out with a movie star.
Soon photographers are circling, unscrupulous journalists are hovering and ADORING WOMEN EVERYWHERE want to ruin her relationship with her Hollywood hunk she tries to make her relationship work.
Can a normal girl stay normal when she is plunged headfirst into an abnormal world?
Or will the backbiting, lies and media pressure drive her to distraction and drive them apart?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08HM717Z1/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i27
I have to go now, I have lots of writing to do!
Thank you soooo much for your support.
BB xxx