Mary Brown heads to Portugal for a weight loss camp and discovers it’s nothing like she expected.

“I thought it would be Slimming World in the sunshine, but this is bloody torture,” she says, after boxing, running, sand training (sand training? what fresh hell is sand training?), more running, more star jumps and eating nothing but carrots.

Mary wants to hide from the instructors and cheat the system. The trouble is, her mum is with her and won’t leave her alone for a second… Then there’s the angry instructor with a deep, dark secret about why he left the army. The mysterious woman who sneaks into their pool and does synchronised swimming every night. Who the hell is she? Why’s she in their pool?

Mary obviously takes snacks in with her. Will they prevent her from losing any weight at all? And what about Yvonne – the slim, attractive lady who sneaks off every night after dinner? Where’s she going? And what unearthly difficulties will Mary get herself into when she decides to follow her to find out…

While Mary’s away on her retreat, she and Ted are forced to rethink their relationship. Ted doesn’t have the time to see Mary because he’s working all the time, and Mary is getting very fed up with the situation. Reluctantly, our lovely couple decide to go their separate ways, leaving Mary alone.

She decides to try online dating sites.

Aided and abetted by her friends, including Juan Pedro – the flamboyant Spaniard whom she met when he was a dancer in sparkly trousers on a cruise ship, and best friend Charlie, Mary heads out on NINE DATES IN NINE DAYS.

She meets an interesting collection of men, including those she nicknames: Usain Bolt, Harry the Hoarder, and Dead-Wife-Darren.

Then when she thinks things can’t get any worse, Juan organises a huge, entirely inadvisable party at the end.

It’s internet dating like you’ve never known it before…

“So incredibly funny. Read this book before you go on any internet dates.”
“I loved it. If you join an online dating site and go on dates, then make sure the guy doesn’t have a big bag with him or a young kid. This really made me laugh.”

‘I just loved it.’
A wonderful book.’
“It was hysterical, some bits made me laugh out loud, and other parts made me blush with recognition.”
“This is definitely one of my favourite of Mary’s adventures so far! I feel like they’re just getting better and better! Can’t wait for the next one!!”