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Audiobooks – Bernice Bloom

Audiobooks

ADORABLE FAT GIRL AND THE MYSTERIOUS INVITATION

Mary Brown receives an invitation to a funeral. But she has absolutely no idea who the deceased is. She’s told that he invited her on his deathbed, and he’s very keen for her to attend, so she heads off to a dilapidated old farmhouse in a remote part of Wales. When she gets there she discovers that only five other people have been invited to the funeral. None of them know who he is either.
No one going to this funeral has ever heard of the deceased. What is going on?
Then they are told that they have 20 hours to work out why they have been invited in order to inherit a million pounds. Who is this guy and why are they there? And what of the ghostly goings on in the ancient old building? Featuring Mary Brown, star of the Adorable Fat Girl series of books, in her greatest adventure yet.

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ADORABLE FAT GIRL GOES TO WEIGHT LOSS CAMP

Mary Brown is back to her mad and crazy best as she heads to Portugal for a weight loss camp and discovers it’s nothing like she expected. “I thought it would be Slimming World in the sunshine, but this is bloody torture,” she says, after boxing, running, sand training (sand training?), more running, more star jumps, and eating nothing but carrots. Mary wants to hide from the instructors and cheat the system. The trouble is, her mum is with her, and won’t leave her alone for a second….
Then there’s the angry instructor with the deep, dark secret about why he left the army. The mysterious woman who sneaks into their pool and does synchronized swimming every night. Who the hell is she? Why’s she in their pool? Will the snacks prevent Mary from losing any weight at all? And what about Yvonne – the slim, attractive lady who sneaks off every night after dinner. Where’s she going? And what unearthly difficulties will Mary get herself into when she decides to follow her to find out….

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RETURN TO SUNSHINE COTTAGE

This is the first of the Sunshine Cottage books, described as ‘Little Women for the modern age.’
The books are about the gorgeous Lopez sisters, living in a lovely yellow beach house in a pretty fishing village called Cove Bay.

BOOK ONE is all about…LISA
Lisa Lopez is returning to Cove Bay after spending two months in New York recovering from heart-break.
But when she returns, will she be able to resist the charms of Peter – the wealthy, sophisticated lawyer with whom she was so desperately in love before he broke her heart into a million pieces?
And what of Matt – the scruffy baseball coach with a warm heart and a kind soul, will he be able to win her over?
Who will she choose? And what about the texts that Matt keeps sending? Who are they to?
What is the big SECRET that he’s carrying around with him?
Set in a beautiful fishing village called Cove Bay, North Carolina, this is a new series full of drama, romance, tears and joy.
Each book focuses on a different sister; and all the sisters are VERY different.
There’s:
Lisa – the shy, romantic one.
Isabella – the chatty, sociable one.
Emma the sporty one.
Sophia the beautiful one.
“A lovely series – just feel-good happiness and four gorgeous sisters. It’s Little Women for modern readers!”

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DIARY OF AN ADORABLE FAT GIRL: THE FIRST THREE BOOKS

Mary Brown is funny, gorgeous, and bonkers. She’s also about six stone overweight. When she realises she can’t cross her legs, has trouble bending over to tie her shoelaces without wheezing like an elderly chain-smoker, and discovers even her hands and feet look fat, it’s time to take action. But what action? She’s tried every diet under the sun. This is the hysterical story of what happens when Mary joins “Fat Club”, where she meets a cast of funny characters and one particular man who catches her eye. This audiobook is the first three titles in the series all together. The story is laugh-out-loud funny and will resonate with anyone who has dieted, tried to keep up with any sort of exercise program, or spent 10 minutes in a changing room trying to extricate herself from a way-too-small garment that she ambitiously tried on and in which she is now completely stuck.

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ADORABLE FAT GIRL SHARES HER WEIGHT LOSS TIPS

Mary Brown is the star of the Adorable Fat Girl series and she is seriously overweight. She heads for Fat Club and slowly starts to lose weight. The novels tell the tales of the fun she has and the people she meets as she battles the pounds. This book tells the tale of how she lost weight: 40 pounds in all! How did she do it? Here in this mini audiobook – for the first time – she describes the rules that helped her. Also included are the stories of readers who have written in to share their weight loss stories.  This is a kind approach to weight loss. It’s about learning to love yourself as you shift the pounds. It worked for Mary Brown and everyone at Fat Club (even Ted who can’t go a day without a bag of chips and thinks a pint isn’t a pint without a bag of pork scratchings lost weight). I hope it works for you, and I hope you enjoy it.

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CRUISE WITH AN ADORABLE FAT GIRL

Mary Brown – our full-figured heroine – is off on a cruise. It’s the trip of a lifetime…featuring eat-all-you-can buffets and a trek through Europe with a 96-year-old widower called Frank and a flamboyant Spanish dancer called Juan Pedro. Then there’s the desperately handsome captain, the appearance of an ex-boyfriend on the ship, the time she’s mistaken for a Hollywood film star in Lisbon, and tons of clothes shopping all over Europe. “Lovely, warm, life-enhancing and laugh out-loud funny.” (Glamour magazine).

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ADORABLE FAT GIRL TAKES UP YOGA

The adorable fat girl needs to do something to get fit. What about yoga? I mean – really – how hard can that be? A bit of chanting, some toe touching, and a new leotard. Easy!  She signs up for a weekend retreat, packs up assorted snacks, and heads for the countryside to get in touch with her chi and her third eye. And that’s when it all goes wrong. Featuring frantic chickens, an unexpected mud bath, men in loose-fitting shorts and no pants, calamitous headstands, a bizarre new friendship with a yoga guru, and a quick hospital trip. This is the eighth audiobook in the series. See Bernice Bloom’s website for information about all of Bernice’s books, for details of new releases and for lots of weight loss tips and a news section packed with all the latest research and articles about weight loss.

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ADORABLE FAT GIRL ON SAFARI

Mary Brown, our fabulous, full-figured heroine, is off on safari with an old school friend. What could possibly go wrong? Lots of things, it turns out. Mary starts off on the wrong foot by turning up dressed in a ribbon-bedecked bonnet, having channeled Meryl Streep from Out of Africa. She falls in lust with a khaki-clad ranger half her age and ends up stuck in a tree wearing nothing but her knickers while sandwiched between two inquisitive baboons. It’s never dull….

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DIARY OF AN ADORABLE FAT GIRL AT CHRISTMAS

Hooray, it’s Christmas! It’s the Adorable Fat Girl’s favorite time of year, and she embraces it with the sort of thrill and excitement normally reserved for toddlers seeing jelly tots. Our funny, gorgeous, and bonkers heroine finds herself dancing from party to party, covered in tinsel, decorating the Beckhams’ Christmas tree, dressing up as Father Christmas, declaring live on This Morning that she’s a drug addict and enjoying two Christmas lunches in quick succession. She’s the party queen as she stumbles wildly from disaster to disaster. A funny little treasure to see you smiling through the festive period.

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